Katherine's Diary
by Jennifer Vo
Summary: Dear leather bound book that makes no sense to me but I don't know why I'm writing this, Stefan's not here. I don't think I want him to be here. I have some things I want to get off my chest. I swore to never touch you again. I've never written a diary before nor did I ever think about the day I would finally write in one but as it is...


**[If you are not ****_Ann Liverpudlian _****and ****_Mandy Mikaelson_**** then you can skip this part :)]I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't do my part with the translating thing, I'm sorry I lied to you guys I'm sorry that I was a childish person and I'm sorry that I keep nosying into business that I really don't have enough time or dedication to do. I'm sorry for my mistakes and the reason why I tagged you guys in because Katherine has made mistakes and she wants absolution so... Forigve me? You're one of my closest friends even though we've never met and I would never be able to be happy when I see your names in my newsfeed and not feel guilty. You guys are my inspiration for writing fanfiction so I'm sorry and I know it happened a long time ago but I haven't got the b*lls to type it but... I'm sorry. :)**

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_December 5, 2013_

Dear stupid, emotionless diary,

I'm Katherine Pierce. Many have also known me as Katerina Petrova. I'm a manipulator, survivor and all around bitch. People had been calling me many names over the course of the last 500 years (and let me tell you, none of them were nice) but I digress.

Thing is, people just don't get it. Survival is one of human's most distinctive instinct, in some more than others and well, surviving crises have always been my specialty. I will always look out of myself and I'm smart enough to not be sentimental about it. I've survived childbirth and the pain of having my baby being taken from me; the death of my entire family; my own death in order to turn into a vampire; was caught in a dangerous cat and mouse game with the original vampire Niklaus Mikaelson, who initially wanted my doppelganger blood for a ritual that would activate his werewolf side and turn him into the first hybrid ever to walk the earth blah blah blah,... I'm sure you can ask Stefan for the gory details, I'm sure he keeps a record of it quite well.

The point is: I've survived through many crisis in my life, cheated death more times than I can count but it all came with a price. Well, prices, actually. Not that I'm the one who payed them. Well... in result of me not paying my prices, I have enemies all over the world who wants me dead, preferably with my heart ripped out of my chest, dripping blood off of a silver tray, so I guess that does count as a price.

But that was fine and it was okay. I was Katherine Pierce, I will always look out for myself and if you're standing in the way of my attacker and me then I will nail you onto the spot and run away. And if you're judging me, let me tell you that it's just the way of the world: The strongest, smartest, most resourceful with no strings attached lives the longest while the weakest, stupidest, most unresourceful and hyper sentimental dies.

But I don't have to explain myself to you. I've never really believed in pouring your heart out in the pages of a diary before. Leaving it lying around in a room unprotected with your deepest, darkest thoughts for anyone who's smart enough to look for it and read it. Only idiots do that but Stefan's watching me so I might as well do what he said. It's not like there's any harm in doing the things only idiots would do now, I'm already powerless in the ways of protecting myself. Unless you could fight time and mother nature, I'm as good as dead. And last time I checked, I'm not okay with that.

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_December 7, 2013_

Dear leather bound book that makes no sense to me but I don't know why I'm writing this,

Stefan's not here. I don't think I want him to be here. I have some things I want to get off my chest. I swore to never touch you again. I've never written a diary before nor did I ever think about the day I would finally write in one but as it is...

Stefan believed I could be save, forgiven. I want to be forgiven. I want absolution. Now that I'm dying, it doesn't hurt to make up for my mistakes. Not that I'm regretting them, I'm just accepting them for what they are. Destructive acts that destroyed many, many lives and killed many, many people. But still, I won't say that if I had a second chance, a chance to undo the things I did, I would. Because I've come this far because technically, I was the smarter one, I got out. They didn't.

I pity myself like Elena always does. I get over things and move on. I never look back.

But my past has been trying its damnedest to catch up to me. Nadia has caught up with me. The time I've stolen is recoiling itself and slapping me in the face like a spring after stretching for so long. My actions and choices toward the Salvatore brothers, toward Stefan are now haunting me. Because Stefan will never look at me the same way he looks at Elena.

Love, adoration, kindness,... I will never ever get that look from him. One night... An eternity... It doesn't matter because _Elena _will be always on his mind. Self-righteous, idiotic, naive, little Elena. Shame that she looks like me, couldn't really call her ugly.

I will never admit this to anyone and I will never admit it to myself but after all of that, after everything I've been through and done in order to be here, dying meaninglessly without even the slightest chance of fighting back, it's been a lonely life and I'd like it if someone, anyone, would be by my side when I finally give into time and nature and just... well, die. They would look at me with sad eyes but would smile at me gently as I lay there, my body rotting from inside out.

But then again, people will probably be drinking Tequila shots and celebrating my death.

I guess, I would nice to have one last shot of Tequila before I went away.

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The fire licked its way onto the leather bound book, turning every single page into ashes.

The silent air felt cold and lonely to her even though the fireplace was burning bright and the flames dancing on the logs.

It's almost Christmas, she thought, it'd be a wonder I live that long.

Ah, yes. Even in one of her soon-to-be last moments, the infamous Katherine Pierce still couldn't bear people reading her thoughts, getting inside her head and understanding her just a little better. But then again, how could a person ever understand the enigma that is the lovely Katerina Petrova when even she, herself, couldn't understand who she is.

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**And this is dedicated to two of my closest friends Ann Liverpudlian and Mandy Mikaelson :)**

**Well, hello, hello, hello, hello, again! Did you like it? Did you not? Leave a comment below, let me know and I am so soryy if this is a little off to you guys because I initially had the idea and inspiration for this fic 3 days ago and now that I'm almost done with finals, I've finally just wrote it so most of the emotions are gone and I feel really sucky when I wrote this but I hope you still like it and I hope that I've shown you guys a side of Katherine that I feel that she has but am not sure if she's willing to admit it. A softer, much more fragile and easily broken down side and as much as I like her bitchy, sassy one, I still imagine her having this unaware side as well. **

**So please leave me a review and good luck on your finals exams if you still have more coming and congratulation to those who are done because I am failing. AT everything.**

**Jen out!**


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